


Think I Got a Shot, but I don't Wanna be a Chaser

by 585322586



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, A lotttt of drinking, Cake, Definitely Cake, Drinking, M/M, bisexual!luke, slight muke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 08:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4739651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/585322586/pseuds/585322586
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke was certain Calum was straight, and pining after your straight best friend was something Luke was struggling to deal with. But when a few drunk kisses are shared between the two, Luke finds himself in a new kind of mess; a mess with a lot more booze and a lot less platonic drunk encounters.</p><p>Or, five times Calum drunkenly kisses Luke, and one time Luke is the one to kiss Calum.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Think I Got a Shot, but I don't Wanna be a Chaser

The first time it happens, Luke’s not even sure how to react.

There comes a certain amount of pressure with being in a band that’s forced to grow up in the spotlight. To think that they once played a gig for less than 15 people almost 3 years ago is still baffling to each of them, and as humble as they may want to be, the screaming of thousands of fans on the daily is a constant reminder of their growing success.

So Luke sometimes feels a little pressured when it comes to handling regular teenage things within this said spotlight: puberty, having and (hopefully) maintaining a job, and worst of all, _love_.

Luke came out as bisexual to the band just before he turned 18. It was something he had never really put into thought when he was growing up, but soon found it was a growing issue as of late. See, Luke was certain he was interested in just chicks his entire life. He had a couple of flings here and there –despite being a painfully awkward teenager- and even had one or two solid girlfriends. But the certainty of knowing that he was only interested in girls changed all too quickly when Calum Hood came into Luke’s life.  
Upon entering, Calum had quickly become a constant for Luke as the two grew closer as they got older. Days off were spent together, hotel rooms on tour were always shared between them, even meals were exclusively shared with each other sometimes. To put it simply, they were inseparable. This inseparableness, however, introduced a new level of friendship to Luke; a level he was not at all prepared for. Soon, flirting with chicks turned into flirting with Calum, date nights turned into hanging out with Calum, wasting time thinking about girls turned into thinking about Calum, and falling head over heels in love with the little things a girl would do, well, that also turned into Calum.

And Luke was doing his best to make sure Calum had no clue how he felt about him. He’d done a good job so far of maintaining their “bro” relationship, while still casually flirting here and there. It becomes a new safe medium for Luke, where he isn’t neglecting his feelings but due to Calum’s straightness, isn’t acting on them either. It doesn’t help sometimes though how teasing Calum can be in return, or how sometimes he swears Calum stares at him a little too long or a little too amorously. At this point, girls were in mind but completely out of the question, whether Luke liked it or not. There was only one person he desired, and that person was Calum.

At first, Luke hesitated when it came to physical interaction with Calum once he came out. The blond didn’t want to risk ruining his friendship with the Kiwi boy whatsoever, so Luke took it upon himself to ensure their friendship remained solely platonic. But then it seemed that Calum started to get more comfortable with the idea of Luke being into guys, and slowly began to break down the wall Luke had worked so hard on keeping up. He would sometimes point out guys for Luke in public, gaining an opinion on Luke’s type and simultaneously judging and supporting his taste. He would openly flirt with Luke in interviews, and even be physical with him with cameras on and fans around. And Luke was slowly becoming more comfortable with physical contact again, leaning into every touch, asking for and reciprocating each desired cuddle, and much, much more. As unexpected as it was, Luke was fairly content with the way his relationship with Calum was panning out.

This all changes, however, one night in October when Michael is set on giving the band a well-deserved break.

The boys were working tirelessly on promoting their album which had been released back in June, throw in some more studio time, a couple award shows, interviews, preparations for a tour, and a lot of travelling, the boys were essentially close to their breaking points. This prompts Michael to (somehow) fill their temporary LA home with enough booze to intoxicate an entire fraternity house, and with little to no arguments, the 5 Seconds of Summer boys began their booze-filled night.

Several hours and many drinks later, Luke finds himself lying on the couch with a bottle of beer clasped in his right hand. He’s about six or seven beers deep, and with the additional shots Michael had provided him, it was safe to say Luke was very intoxicated. Looking hazily around at his surroundings, Luke watches Michael and Ashton play beer pong against each other, listening as they shout harmless insults at one another in an attempt to throw each other off. It’s then that Luke notices Calum’s absence, and with the completion of his seventh (sixth? eighth?) alcoholic beverage, Luke pulls himself off the couch and walks towards Michael and Ashton.

“Hey, have either of you seen Calum?” Luke asks, somewhat startled at how heavily intoxicate he sounds.

Scoffing, Michael turns to Luke. “You drunk, Hemmings?” Michael says with a smirk, grumbling to himself two seconds later as he fails to sink one of Ashton’s cups.

“M’not drunk, Michael, you are.” Luke says matter-of-factly, smiling to himself at his comeback.

“Dude he’s smashed,” Ashton pipes in, “how many drinks you have, Lukey? Two?” Ashton questions with a smile.

“No! Like, way more than that!”

“Ok, so like three then?”

“No! J-just stop making fun of me!” Luke shouts with a slight pout over the sound of blaring music.

“I like drunk Luke,” Michael announces happily.

“Me too, he’s all sensitive and cute,”

Luke sighs as the two older members of the band laugh. “Can you just tell me where Calum is, please?”

“Miss your boyfriend already, Luke?” Ashton teases.

“Calum isn’t my boyfriend...”

“Not yet he isn’t” Michael mumbles under his breath, simultaneously sinking one of Ashton’s last two cups.

“Guys pleaseeee,” Luke pleads, “just tell me where Calum is.”

“He’s upstairs in his room, lover boy, don’t have him all at once though we still gotta play you two in pong.”  
With this information, and the sound of Ashton’s angered defeat behind him, Luke makes his way up to Calum’s room, drunkenly making his way up the stairs and laughing to himself as he stumbles to the top. Without knocking, Luke lets himself into Calum’s room.

“Cal!” Luke shouts, “come downstairs and play pong with me against Michael and Ash!” Luke looks down at Calum, smile on his face transforming into an awe-struck daze as he looks at Calum sprawled out on his bed. Red faced from the booze and probably equally as intoxicated as Luke, Calum is lying on his back with his shirt riding up, showing a small sliver of his tanned skin overtop his perfectly-fit black skinny jeans. He’s focused on his phone which is raised above his head, scrolling through what Luke imagines is Twitter. His hair is disheveled, effort to maintain it gone probably due to the alcohol in his system. As much as this scene would usually not daze Luke out this bad, the addition of Calum wearing one of Luke’s shirts puts his mind into another place. Luke would never admit it to anyone else, but the idea of a girl (or in this case, guy) wearing one of his shirts was definitely a huge turn on. And with the way the black shirt fit almost perfectly on Calum’s frame, well, Luke knew he was in for trouble.

At the sound of his voice, Calum notices Luke in his doorway, looking away from his phone and smiling drunkenly at Luke. “You come cuddle first,” Calum demands, “I want a good cuddle.”

Luke watches as Calum begins to make grabby-hands at him, whining slightly at Luke’s hesitation to come into the cuddle. Luke smiles and crawls onto Calum’s bed and into the older boy’s arms. He looks up at Calum and giggles, situating himself on top of Calum’s chest. “Hellooooo,” he says happily.

“Hello Lucas,” Calum responds, “a bit drunk, are we?”

Luke blushes, “look who’s talking; you look like a tomato,” Luke says with a laugh.

“But you love tomatoes...” Calum argues.

“Yeah, but not when the tomato is your face, Cal. I don’t know whether to look at you or put you in a sandwich.”

“You’re so mean to me,”

“Am not,” Luke argues, “if I was mean, I wouldn’t be cuddling you like this.”

“You have a point, but you would cuddle me no matter what, so you can be mean and cuddle me at the same time.”

“I’m not mean...” Luke says into Calum’s chest with a pout. Calum responds to this by tightening his grip around Luke’s body.

“Ok ok fine, you’re not mean. You’re very nice... my very nice Lucas.”

Luke giggles at Calum’s declaration, “and you’re my very nice Calum.”

Luke looks up from Calum’s chest and locks eyes with the raven-haired boy. For a moment, Luke gets the idea to plant his lips on Calum’s to cease the obvious sexual tension between them. Or rather, the obvious sexual tension in Luke’s mind. But Luke pushes this thought aside at the reminder in his head that they’re both just really drunk and Calum is really straight; Calum would never want Luke to kiss him, Calum would probably freak out if Luke kissed him, and Calum would never kiss Luke. Never ever. There was just no way.

Except now Calum is leaning forward, and Luke is sure Calum’s probably going to vomit on him or something with the amount of liquor in his body, and Luke wants to vomit now as well with how quickly his mind is working.

And now their lips are touching, and Luke is sure if his face wasn’t red from the liquor before, it was definitely red now. His mind can’t process quickly enough that Calum had just started kissing him, and before he knows it, the kiss is over. The kiss is short and sweet, but for whatever reason is exactly what Luke expected from kissing Calum.

Calum is the one to pull back and Luke keeps his eyes closed, imaging this scene happening between them to be a dream he refuses to wake up from. Luke opens his eyes to Calum looking at him with a big smile, somehow unfazed by what had just happened between them.

“Come on,” Calum says calmly, “let’s go destroy Mikey and Ash at beer pong.”

Calum releases his grip on Luke and pushes himself off the bed, sloppily standing up and walking out of his bedroom. Luke, however, isn’t sure he’s even alive at this point. Calum Hood had just kissed him, like, on the lips kissed him. And this wasn’t even in one of those dreams he’s had before or in one of those super romantic situations Ashton once jokingly spent an afternoon painting out in an attempt to embarrass Luke. No, neither of those were real, and this kiss between them was most definitely real.

But somehow, Luke is unsettled by the kiss. Why had Calum kissed him? Isn’t Calum straight? There were so many questions left unanswered, and Luke spent so much time thinking of them he almost failed to hear the boys calling his name.

Unfortunately, Luke and Calum don’t end up beating Michael and Ashton at beer pong. Luke is far too stunned to focus on the game.

•

The second time it happens, Luke is slightly more prepared.

It’s Christmas and the boys had just finished spending time with their families and were now spending the evening together with a couple of their friends back home. Ashton had gone to the trouble of organizing secret Santa for everyone, and with the inclusion of some alcohol and a party atmosphere, their mini Christmas party was gearing up to be a fantastic time. They had just finished exchanging gifts when Luke finds himself wandering through the living room into the kitchen, grabbing a fruity beverage from the fridge and guzzling it down. Luke was pretty satisfied with what he had gotten from his secret Santa: a couple new personalized guitar picks as well as a new onyx stud for replacing his lip ring when he felt like it. Ashton had walked away with a pair of drum stick-styled pens and a new notebook for song writing, Michael was over the moon with his giant plush Pikachu and piles of candy, and Calum was thrilled with his thrifted vinyl records and confused at a humorously signed copy of their own album.

Luke catches the gaze of Calum across the kitchen, who is busy in conversation with a couple of their old school friends. Calum directs his gaze towards the stairs of Ashton’s childhood home that lead up to Ashton’s bedroom, and by the look in his eyes Luke knows Calum wants him to meet him up there. Luke chugs down the remainder of his drink with a satisfied gulp and grabs himself another before making his way upstairs to meet Calum; for whatever reason, Luke knows he’s going to need another drink if he’s going to be alone with him. Searching for Calum, Luke finds him seated on the couch Ashton has in his bedroom, smiling wide as Luke enters the room.

“Close the door!” Calum almost shouts, “I don’t want anyone coming in.”

Skeptically, Luke shuts the door slowly behind him, “why don’t you want anyone coming in, Cal?”

“Because I want to be alone with you, duh Lucas.” Calum responds, as if it were the most obvious thing in the whole world.

Luke blushes at Calum’s obvious attempt at flirting, noting in his head that once again Calum had been the one to make the flirtatious advances. Since their kiss back in October, which, they still have failed to talk about, Luke had been watching to catch signs of Calum flirting back or making a few moves on him. Much to Luke’s pleasure, he found Calum did in fact make some flirtatious advances towards him without being initiated by Luke himself. Unfortunately, however, these advances were not just directed at Luke, occasionally being directed at random chicks Calum would meet on the streets or at gigs. And Luke would be lying to himself if he said it didn’t bother him, but Luke liked to keep the benefit of the doubt and remind himself that Calum was _his_ best friend. Yes, just his super flirtatious, somewhat misleading, super hot and kind of perfect best friend.

“Ok, we’re alone now,” Luke declares, “is it cuddle time?”

“Oh Lucas, it’s always cuddle time.” Calum extends his two arms for Luke to crash into, leaving a large gap between his arms to fit Luke’s broad shoulders. Luke responds to this request by sitting next to Calum on the couch, leaning into the intoxicated boy’s arms and sighing.

“I was having the funniest conversation downstairs,”

“Oh yeah?” Luke questions, “what was it about?”

“Well, everyone was just asking me when you and I were gonna start dating.”

And there’s the redness in Luke’s face again.

“Do you want me to tell them to stop?” Luke asks shyly, playing with the bottom of his red flannel.

“No it’s ok. I kind of like it.” Calum admits with a giggle.

Luke isn’t really sure how to respond to any of this. The two of them continue cuddling in silence for a few minutes until Luke unknowingly opens his mouth.

“If you were into guys, would I be your type?” Crap. Why did he say that out loud?

Calum ponders this question for a moment, “hmmm, well, you’re super tall, which means when we kiss I probably have to look up so that could hurt my neck, you’re in a band so you’re probably a bad boy and will probably break my heart, sometimes you smell in the morning, you’re grumpy when you don’t get food, I could probably beat you up, what else what else...”

“Cal...”

“But then again, you’re one of the nicest people I know with the biggest heart, you come from a good family, you have a pretty steady job, you know me inside and out, my parents already love you, not to mention you’re kind of super hot... yeah, you could definitely be my type,” Calum decides. Luke just smiles at this, because if Calum was into guys, there’s a big chance he would be into him.

Trying to ease the heavy thumping of his heart, Luke asks, “so.... were you happy with what you got for secret Santa?”

“You bet, except I’m not too sure what to do with that album I got...”

“Dude, it’s a signed copy, you should probably put it up on some display or something.”

“Yeah but the fact that _my_ signature is on it kind of ruins the appeal.” The two boys laugh, feeling the movement of each other’s bodies as the laughter moves through them.

“Did you like what you got?”

“Yes! I’ve been needing new picks! And the stud is really nice.” Luke says, playing with his lip ring with his tongue.

“Yeah... I was hoping you’d like them.”

Luke looks up at Calum, “wait, _you_ were my secret Santa?!”

“Of course, who else would know that you needed new guitar picks, dude? You complain to me about them all the time because you keep ruining the ones you have,” Calum states, “plus, who else would know you would love that stud?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever talked about wanting to change my ring to a stud, Cal...”

“Yeah but I just figured the stud would look really good on you, and it’s probably way fucking easier to kiss with a stud than a ring popping out of your lip.”

Luke ponders this, “you think so?” he asks. His question is somewhat answered with Calum pressing their lips together. Luke can taste the whiskey on Calum’s lips, still hot and probably fresh on his mouth. Luke, on the other hand, feels himself ignite, leaning desperately into the kiss like his life depends on it.

Calum pulls away and smiles at Luke, “yeah... the stud would definitely be a lot easier,” he affirms as he stands up. Walking away he turns back to Luke, “Merry Christmas, Lukey.”

Luke watches as Calum walks out of the room, “Merry Christmas, Cal.” Turning to the side Luke swiftly grabs his drink, chugging the entire bottle in one go.  
Yup, Merry Christmas indeed.

•

It’s February now and Luke is just as confused as he was two months ago.

His relationship with Calum hasn’t changed at all; in fact it’s probably a lot better than it has been before. And yet, he can’t help but sometimes feel unsettled with the way Calum has grown to flirt more, be more physical, and just all around unfair.

They hadn’t talked about the kiss on Christmas, nor the one from before, and Luke has thought to bring it up several times but he didn’t want to make their friendship awkward. Because what straight person wants to be reminded of the time they drunkenly hooked up with their bisexual best friend? Calum probably didn’t even remember either of them; he would probably think Luke was crazy and would then kick Luke out of the band if he brought them up.

Dramatic, yes, but the fear was real nonetheless.

And with tour coming up, Luke also isn’t sure how he’s going to handle giant crowds of people, with a bunch of pretty girls essentially throwing themselves at Calum as he walks by. Yes, the fact of the matter is Calum is still straight, and this has been made painfully clear due to Calum occasionally hooking up with chicks at bars that the boys find themselves at on boring nights. And Luke can’t do anything but stand there, glare at the drink in his hand, and wonder why it can’t be him that Calum makes advances on in public. It’s a little frustrating to Luke, thinking that Calum may be keeping him as a dirty little secret. Or maybe that Calum is in the closet and is too scared to come out so Luke is his chance to experiment with his emotions. Neither of these options is fair to Luke, but honestly making these assumptions about Calum isn’t very fair either.

So Luke settles with being the best friend. _Just_ , the best friend. It’s been about two months since their Christmas kiss, and Luke thinks that’s about the right amount of time to move on and forget about it.

But then, Calum calls for a boy’s night out in London.

And with how excited all the other boys are, Luke can’t help but oblige. Maybe a night drinking in London is exactly what he needs?

Putting on their crispest clothes, the boys head out the door of their temporary London home to the closest club they could find, in hopes of having an evening full of fun and each other’s company.

The club they’re in is bumping hours after they enter, bodies crashing into one another on the dance floor and at the bar. The boys are separated at this point, “so much for boy’s night”, Luke thinks. Luke is downing his third shot, with his sixth beer in his other hand. He had just been talking to Michael when Michael was swept away by a perky brunette, and Luke knew he wouldn’t be seeing Michael for a while. Luke lost sight of Ashton about an hour ago and he hadn’t seen him since. And Calum was essentially gone since they arrived, but perhaps that was for the best. Maybe the best way to get over Calum would be to just not be around him at all; let him live his life and get some cute blonde girlfriend or something.

And now Luke’s chugging his other drink. He really needed to get over Calum and stop thinking about Calum.

Suddenly, the boy in mind appears at Luke’s side, putting an arm around his waist.

“Why aren’t you having a good time?” Calum shouts over the music, startling Luke.

“M’having a great time!”

“No you’re not! You’ve been standing by the bar all night by yourself.... I don’t want you to be by yourself.” Calum remarks sincerely.

“It’s ok, Cal. M’fine!”

“No it’s not fine, Lukey! Mikey and Ash already left with some chicks so it’s just you and me tonight. Let’s have fun together, yeah?”

Luke sighs. There’s no way he’s saying no to Calum. Luke allows Calum to whisk him to the dance floor, their bodies bumping violently into each other as the others around them continue to move to the bass of the song. Luke is somewhat hesitant to let go at first, watching for people to be staring at them or judging them. But then Calum puts his hands on Luke’s waist and Luke is sure the two of them are going to get called out. They don’t, however, and Luke allows himself to melt into Calum’s touch and the beat of the music. They dance and laugh for what feels like forever, the atmosphere of the music electrifying their movements as they dance as one unit. At this point, Luke has his hands around Calum’s neck, their bodies brushing against each other every so often. And Luke would want to live in this moment forever, just the two of them seemingly alone in a crowd full of people, the world around them nonexistent.

After a few more songs and a lot more drinks, the two boys begin the sloppy walk home through the streets of London, leaning on each other for support. Calum has his arm around Luke’s waist, while Luke has his arm draped over Calum’s back.

“Didya have a good time tonight, Lukey?” Calum asks drunkenly.

“You bet I did Cal,” Luke responds, “did you have fun?”

“Of fucking course I did! I’m glad you had a good time though.”

Luke smiles, “yeah... thanks for making me have a good time.”

Calum scoffs at this, “Luke, of course I want you to have a good time!” Calum stops in his tracks and looks directly into Luke’s eyes. Luke returns this exchange by staring back, looking for some sort of explanation in Calum’s gaze. The two of them are alone on some random street, only being lit by the lamp posts that guide their way. “Luke... I always want you to have a good time man... I just want to make you happy.” Calum concludes his statement by pressing a quick kiss to Luke’s lips. Both of them are equally warm by the amount of liquor moving through their bodies, and Luke just stands there, taking in the kiss.

Calum continues walking after pulling away, and Luke hastily follows beside him. Once again, Calum had been the one to kiss him, and as much as Luke is essentially in bliss, he can’t help but allow the unsettling feeling to creep in once again. The two of them walk in silence, the sounds of London filling in the awkward void the two of them had created.

“I’m really glad we can be like this,” Calum finally says.

“Like... like what?” Luke asks hesitantly.

“You know... just... us. Luke and Calum. Just the two of us, as if nothing has changed, you know?”

“Yeah...,” Luke adds somewhat sadly, “as if nothing has changed...”

“I mean, obviously we’re a lot older now, a lot more mature- ok, maybe not a _lot_ more, and definitely a lot more attractive, but we’re still just us and I love that.”

Luke smiles, “yeah, yeah me too.” And Luke is so deep in this thought he barely registers Calum grabbing his hand, locking their fingers together tightly. Luke just smiles at this, he’s also glad that they can just be Luke and Calum.

The next night, the boys go out drinking again, except this time it isn’t Luke who Calum dances and goes home with, but some cute London girl.

•

May is when the tour starts, and the boys had just finished their first show in Italy; third show overall. The boys are out celebrating the success of their third show in some bar in the middle of nowhere, a couple members of their team with them. Michael and Ashton are sitting beside Luke, who was furiously downing drinks at the sight of Calum chatting with some Italian hussy.

This whole “just be Calum’s best friend” thing was not getting easier for Luke. It was becoming almost too unbearable to see Calum flirt with other chicks, and then come to Luke hoping to talk about all these chicks without Luke getting affected. Either Calum was painfully oblivious to Luke’s feelings, or he was just a huge dick who was playing Luke all along. Except, Luke would like to think his best friend wouldn’t do something like that to him; Calum has known him long enough to know that Luke’s emotions are not to be messed with. And yet here he was, flirting with yet another girl right in front of Luke while all he could do is wallow in some alcohol and pretend to have a good time.

“Drowning your anger in booze won’t solve anything, dude.” Michael says calmly.

“M’not drowning.”

“You will be soon if you keep this drinking up.” Ashton adds in, grabbing the empty glass out of Luke’s hand.

“You guys just don’t understand!” Luke exclaims, “He has to be doing this on purpose!”

“Luke I don’t think-“

“I’m going home.” Luke shouts, interrupting Ashton before he has a chance to defend Calum.

“Luke, come on buddy just sit down,” Michael says gently, “don’t do this here.”

“I’m going back to the hotel.” Luke announces, dropping his share of the bill on the table and walking out.

Pushing past the people who had crowded the exit to the bar, Luke hops into a cab and gives the cab driver the address of their hotel. Luke would be damned if he allowed a few tears to fall, but with the amount of rum and beer in his body there was no holding them back. Why was Calum doing this to him? He should hate Calum; hate him for making Luke think he had a chance and then forcing him to watch him swoon over random girls in different cities and countries. It just wasn’t fair at all, wasn’t fair for Luke to be putting himself out there for Calum every time and getting this as a result. None of the other kisses mattered at this point; nothing mattered except getting home and getting away from Calum.

With the halt of the cab, Luke wiped away his tears and handed the money to the cab driver, walking swiftly into the hotel and into the elevator. A few more tears leave Luke’s cheeks as he makes his way to his floor. “Fuck...” Luke mutters, wiping at the tears vigorously with the sleeves of his jacket. Luke makes his way into his hotel room, slamming the door behind him and laying on his bed, hands covering his eyes as he conceals a scream.

It’s then that Luke is reminded that he’s sharing this room with Calum, as he looks to his left and spots Calum’s stuff still on his bed. This is going to be fucking torture. Luke lies in this position on the bed for about an hour when he is startled by the sound of the door opening. He refuses to look up, and just sighs at the door closing behind the person entering the room.

“Hey Lukey...” Calum starts, “you feeling ok?” Luke doesn’t respond. “Mikey and Ash told me you left the bar and I got worried so I came home...”

Of course he would. Of fucking course he would ask Michael and Ashton where he was and he would rush home immediately to find him. God, Calum was too good to him.

Luke sits up and stares at Calum, eyes bloodshot and still very drunk, “hi Cal.” At the sight of Luke’s dry tears, Calum rushes over to sit next to Luke on his bed.

“Luke, you’ve been crying...” Calum says, brushing his thumb against the side of Luke’s cheek, also rubbing the stubble growing on Luke’s face.

“Have not...” Luke says, not looking directly at Calum.

“Yes you have... why are you crying, Lukey?”

Luke sighs, “m’just stressed, Calum. It’s nothing important.”

It’s Calum’s turn to sigh, “your problems are important, Luke. They’re important to me.” And there it is again. The kind, best friend attitude Calum has that draws Luke in all over again. He’s hooked on Calum’s affection in less than five seconds, and this fact alone draws Luke into a frenzy of desperation and anger.

“I’m just really fucking stressed out, ok?!” Luke all but screams, ignoring the fact they’re in a hotel room at some ungodly hour. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to handle tour life right now when I’m just so stressed out about everything! I just miss when things were easier, when we were home and we didn’t have to worry about fans ambushing us or how the media sees us or the fact that I can’t even come out publically because we don’t know how the media or fans will react! But I can’t fucking say that unless I want people to think I’m ungrateful! I’m tired of having to hide how I’m feeling for the better of everyone else but no one knows how fucking confused and insecure I am and how my sexuality only makes things worse for so many reasons I can’t talk about! I’m just fucking stressed out, Calum. That’s why I’ve been crying. Are you happy now?” Luke pauses at his outburst, only now becoming aware at the tears running down his face. He looks at Calum through his tears and sees the broken look on his best friend’s face. Calum responds by pulling Luke closely into a hug, tightening his grip on Luke to somehow protect him from all his problems. Luke can smell the harsh stench of alcohol on Calum’s body, and that both helps and unsettles him in different ways. Maybe Calum will forget this all happened tomorrow and they can just go back to their old routine without any awkwardness at all.

“Would you feel better if I kissed you?”

No. “Yes.” Luke says.

Calum responds to this by crashing their lips together, sloppy and wet but perfect nevertheless. Luke melts into Calum’s lips as all his problems slowly start to fade away. Nothing else matters at this exact moment; Calum wants him and only him. Calum isn’t messing with him, who else would Calum kiss to help them feel better? No one, that’s who. He is Calum’s person and Calum is his, it was just a matter of time for everything to fall into place.

Luke’s thoughts are interrupted when Calum pulls away and embraces Luke tightly. “I don’t want you to be stressed or sad, Lukey... I wish I could make things better.”

“You have, Cal.” Except he really hasn’t. And Luke would be lying to himself if he said that things were automatically fixed just because Calum kissed him again.

“If you ever feel shitty again, let me know, ok? I don’t care who I’m with or where we are I’ll come to you and you can yell at me or even hit me. Just don’t... come home by yourself and cry, ok? It kills me to see you like this and I never want you to do this to yourself ever again.”

Luke sighs and looks at Calum in the eyes. “Ok.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Calum kisses him once more on the cheek and falls back onto Luke’s bed. The two of them spend the rest of the night cuddling and watching movies until Calum falls asleep wrapped around Luke.

It’s only then that Luke realizes that once again he’s back where he started.

“Fuck.”

•

It’s Luke’s birthday and he’s having both the best and worst time of his life. They had just arrived in Las Vegas, but unfortunately Luke was only 19 so the only partying he was doing was in a small venue in their hotel rented out by management. Some of their friends in the industry were there, and all of their team was attending as well. Booze was provided, obviously, and Luke was being fed shots and drinks left and right. He had done the rounds of chatting with each of his guests, catching up and making small talk about tour life and how it had its good and bad moments. He was now sitting by the bar, cradling a drink while he watched everyone around him chat. Michael and Ashton were currently playing a game of beer pong against their tour bus driver and stage manager; the two of them had gotten insanely good at beer pong over the course of the last year with their constant partying. Luke hadn’t actually seen Calum for a while, allowing Luke to chat with other guests first before having their chance to be alone.

And Luke wasn’t even sure he wanted to be alone with Calum. Since his breakdown, Calum had been by his side to make sure Luke was ok. But Luke had no intention of talking about his problems with Calum, seeing as the root of most of these problems were in fact Calum. How does one go up to their best friend and say “hey, the reason I’ve been super stressed and pissy lately is because I’m kind of in love with you and you’re straight but you hook up with me sometimes so it really confuses me and you getting with chicks makes me want to stab myself in the eyes with drum sticks because of how jealous I am but I have to be a good best friend and say nothing”? There isn’t a way to say it. Luke’s tried to think of every situation where it would work, and there was none.

So Luke did what any person would do in this situation and tried to ignore it, pretended he was ok whenever Calum noticed he was slightly off and denied everything until Calum gave up. Michael and Ashton weren’t any help either, taking notice to his change in attitude every time Calum even looked at a girl. They tried their best to be supportive, but Luke assured them he didn’t want to involve them in his business.

The problem was, Luke was at his breaking point. He went through waves of anger and sadness sometimes at even the glance of Calum. Sometimes, Calum would do something so simple as say he would date him in an interview, and Luke would feel his body go from being warm with love to cold with despair in seconds. It was a consistent wave of highs and lows that Luke wasn’t sure he could take anymore. The solution of ignoring Calum lasted for about two hours, and trying to hit on chicks to make Calum jealous didn’t exactly work either. To put it nicely, Luke was fucked.

Luke felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and looked down at the text he received.

Cal <3: Meet me on the roof in 5?

Luke sighed and typed out a reply.

Lukey <3: Kk ill grab us drinks

Cal <3: U da best bae <3 <3 <3

Luke slid his phone in his pocket and sighed. He kind of knew what was going to happen next, but he wasn’t even sure he wanted it anymore. Luke finds Calum on the roof of the building, sitting in one of the chairs placed atop the building overlooking Vegas, with a chair sitting opposite of him and a black table in between. With drinks in hand, Luke sighs and makes his way towards Calum.

“I got you that beer you like.” Luke says, handing Calum the drink.

“Why thank you, birthday boy,” Calum states, “you know, for someone being fed all this liquor you seem surprisingly tame.”

“I guess my tolerance has gone up?”

“That’s a shame, drunk Luke is pretty fun.”

“So I’ve been told.”

They sit in silence and overlook the city for a moment, the breeze whistling through the sky and chilling them both slightly. Luke is sipping his drink in his left hand, his right hand resting on the table. He can feel Calum’s eyes on him, burning their stare into the side of Luke’s head as Luke refuses to look back at Calum. Because Luke knows if he looks over into Calum’s eyes, he’s easily going to fall for him again and they’re going to end up kissing, restarting the cycle of anger and sadness and bliss. Luke doesn’t react to Calum at all, not until Calum reaches across the table and grabs Luke’s hand. Luke turns to look at Calum and Calum is looking at him with that look that says “let’s be more than friends”. It makes Luke want to vomit.

Calum leans forward to plant a kiss on Luke and Luke let’s him for a while. But then the situation at hand becomes too much for Luke to handle, and to both their surprise Luke pulls back and slaps him across the face. The slap is solid, not too soft but not too hard, but it shakes both of them out of their dazes. The silence engulfs them both as Luke goes from staring at his hand to Calum, and Calum sits there stunned.

“You... you just...”

“I... Cal I... I didn’t mean to...” But part of Luke knows he did, knows that all of his frustration over the last year was put into the force of that one slap.

“Did I do something to make you angry?” Calum says, rubbing at his cheek and looking at Luke for answers.

Luke could have easily said no, could have just brushed this under the rug as an impulse with the addition of being super drunk. It could have been so simple, but Luke didn’t want to deal with this anymore.

“Yes. Well, no... but yes.”

Calum stares at Luke shocked, “Luke, if I did anything wrong I’m sor-“

“No.” Luke interrupts, “don’t you dare apologize. Don’t go and be all nice and cute and fucking a good person just for me to fall for you all over again.”

“Luke, what do you-“

“That’s exactly what this is, Calum! It’s just a constant circle of being angry at you then being in love with you just because you’re a nice fucking guy and you’re my straight best friend who kisses me. Why do you kiss me, huh? Aren’t you straight? Do you have any idea how much you’ve been fucking with me since you kissed me last year? And then all those times after that? You’ve been fucking me up, Calum. I don’t know what to do with the fact that I’m in love with you because every time I think I have a chance, and you go and do something like this, you go to some chick the next day and fucking hook up with her and I’m back right where I fucking started. Hurt. And it’s not fucking fair, Calum. It’s not fair of you to play with my emotions as my _best friend_. Do you know how many times I’ve tried getting over you, only for you to flirt with me and make me feel fucking fantastic? Any time you do anything somewhat flirtatious I think I’m on cloud nine and then I come crashing down again and again and again and again and I’m fucking sick of it Calum. I’m fucking sick of it.” Luke is bewildered at his outburst, and judging from the look on Calum’s face, so is he. Already standing, Luke moves away from his seat and makes his way towards the door.

“Just... don’t follow me Calum. Please. And don’t speak to me for a while. I think it would be best for the both of us.”

•

It’s been ten days since Luke’s birthday, and things between the two of them are definitely tense. They’ve learned to put on an act in front of cameras and at shows, but as soon as they’re off by themselves they’re completely different people. Now in Edmonton, Luke has been sharing hotel rooms with Michael while Ashton shared with Calum. The two of them were informed of Luke and Calum’s argument when Luke had rushed back into his own party with tears streaming down his face, pushing passed the worried crowds and out into the hall. Luke had sprinted all the way to his hotel room, followed by Michael who held Luke while he cried for about five hours. Ashton had followed the direction in which Luke came from and found Calum on the roof, completely frozen in place and exactly where Luke had left him. Luke had been a complete mess since that night, and Calum hadn’t been handling it very well either.

They currently had a day off and Luke was spending it lying in bed while Michael played around on his guitar. Michael had tried to get Luke to do anything really, but every time he asked Luke would refuse and remain in bed. Michael kind of didn’t mind just doing nothing with Luke; he just wanted both his friends to be ok again.

“Hey, I’m ordering room service soon, you want anything?” Michael asks.

“Not hungry, Michael Thanks though.”

“Luke you’re always hungry.”

“Well I’m not right now.”

Michael sighs and puts his guitar down on the floor. He crawls into Luke’s bed and wraps his arms around Luke’s waist. “Ok, guess we’re gonna cuddle then.”

“Michael...”

“Luke, I’m just worried about you, ok? About both of you.”

“You really don’t have to be worried Michael.”

“I kind of do, seeing as you two have been my best friends for years and you guys have never gone this long without talking to each other.”

“Well, things change. People change.”

“Well, not Luke and Calum.” Michael feels Luke tense up at the mention of Calum’s name.

“I just don’t know what to do, Michael... he probably hates me.” Luke says, feeling the tears sting his eyes once again.

“Luke, Calum could never hate you even if he tried. If anything he probably hates himself more for doing this to you.”

“But it’ not his fault-“

“Ok, you really need to decide if you’re angry at him or yourself because neither Ashton nor I can really tell at this point and we don’t know how to go about any of this.”

Luke sighs, “neither do I.”

Michael and Luke lay in Luke’s bed for another twenty minutes before Michael’s stomach grumbles. “Ok, I’m hungry as shit and you’re definitely hungry even though you deny it so how about I go pick us up some food and some booze and the two of us have some Muke time and watch shitty movies and eat food probably very bad for us?” Michael suggests, wiggling his eyebrows at Luke who just looks at him with a smile.

“Sure, why not.”

Michael jumps out of bed and starts heading out the door. “Oh, by the way, I love you Lukey. And I really want you and Calum to work this out, but for now let’s just work on you, ok?”

Luke sighs. “Love you too, Mikey.”

Michael returns with about twenty-four beers and a bunch of pizzas later, and the two of them begin their Muke night. They’re just about to finish the third Twilight film (Michael had insisted on crushing the entire series) when Michael gets a text from Ashton.

Ash Ketchum: Dude i lost calum

Michael stares at his text confused.

Mike Tyson: Wat do u mean u lost calum?!?!?!?

Ash Ketchum: Went for drinks at some bar and he got super wasted and said he was walking home but im in the hotel room now and he isn’t here. Isn’t picking up his phone either. He with u?

Mike Tyson: no im getting turnt with lucas in our room

Ash Ketchum: Fuck ok lets go find cal.

Mike Tyson: kk meet u in the lobby ill see if luke wants to come

Ash Ketchum: kk good luck <3

Mike Tyson: The shit we do for these fuckfaces

Ash Ketchum: lmao truuuuuuuuu

Michael sighs and rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands. God, his friends were idiots. He turns to Luke who is currently changing the DVD and drinking a beer at the same time, making for a seemingly very simple task to be very difficult.

“Hey Luke?”

“Yeah Mikey?”

“We got a bit of a problem.”

Luke stops what he’s doing and looks up at Michael, concern washing over his face at Michael’s serious tone. “What’s wrong?”

Michael contemplates how to say this in a way that won’t startle Luke. “Ok, let’s play a game called “which member of 5sos is currently drunk and missing who isn’t in this room or Ashton?”

“What?!” Luke screams. Ok, maybe Michael could have handled that a lot better.

“Ash and Cal went to a bar and Cal got super drunk and walked home, but Ashton got to the room a couple of minutes ago and Calum isn’t there.”

Panic takes over Luke as he struggles to throw on his denim jacket and boots. “Let’s go find him!” Luke yells, running out the door.

“And here I thought you hated him...” Michael mumbles, following behind Luke and shutting the door behind both of them.

The two boys find Ashton in the lobby, who appears to be equally intoxicated as the both of them. “So the search party begins?” Ashton asks almost too calmly.

“You and I will start walking back towards the direction of the bar. Luke, I want you to do a quick scan of the area; maybe Calum wanted to stop somewhere quickly before coming back. We keep in contact at all times.” Michael directs.

“Got it.” Luke and Ashton say in unison.

Luke watches as Michael and Ashton bolt out of their hotel almost a little too dramatically; perhaps they were taking the idea of a search party a tad bit seriously. Luke starts walking towards a direction he remembers seeing on the tour bus. He recalled there being a park in this direction, and knowing Calum he would be sitting here probably wanting some fresh air.

Ten minutes later, Luke finds himself walking through a park lit by the moonlight reflecting off of the lake in the middle. He spots a playground, and in the far distance he sees a swing set with a very slouched over body lazily swinging on it back and forth. Luke doesn’t even have to look twice to know it’s Calum.  
Luke walks up to Calum so quietly he almost startles him; or maybe Calum is startled because it’s Luke who’s coming up to him.

“Hey...” Luke begins, startled at the sound of his voice and how shakey it is.

“Hello.” Calum says, not looking up from his gaze to the ground.

“You had us all worried, you know... me especially.”

“I’m sorry.” Calum says coldly.

“Calum...”

“What, Luke?”

“Can we... can we talk?”

“We are talking.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Calum sighs and walks up to Luke, staring him in the eyes. The moonlight reflecting of the piercing blue of Luke’s eyes intimidates Calum at first, but he watches them shut as he presses their lips together once again.

Something about this kiss is a little different than the rest. It’s a lot more desperate and a lot more passionate, as if it were between two people who had been in love for a long time and were separated for years, only to come back and be reconciled by their two lips touching. Luke hesitates at first, but then lets the familiarity of Calum’s lips overtake him as he slips his arms around Calum’s cold neck. Calum deepens the kiss as he puts his hands on Luke’s back, somehow pulling Luke physically closer than thought possible. They’re both cold and both desperate for the taste of the other, and they hold on to each other for dear life.

Calum is the first one to pull back. “I’m sorry, Luke.”

Luke is brought back to reality by Calum’s voice. “Calum-“

“No, I let you do the talking- or, I guess, shouting- back on the roof but now it’s my turn.” Calum sighs, “I’m sorry I made you feel so shitty. God, if I hadn’t been so stupid I would have known what I was doing to you.”

“You’re not stupid, Cal-“

“I am though. I hurt you even though I promised you I never would and I lead you on and that hurt you the most, even though I told you I would kill anyone who hurt you the way I did. Kind of funny, isn’t it?”

“Not really...”

“Yeah yeah, I know. I just... I’m so sorry, Luke. I’m sorry I made you think you weren’t special to me and made you go through all of that alone. I love you, Luke. I care about you and I was an idiot to hurt you and make you suffer. All those chicks, I have no excuse for flirting with them in front of you. I guess I was sort of startled by my growing feelings for you that I thought that I could make things easier for both of us by just resuming being the straight one. I thought that you had enough on your plate you didn’t need me to make things more complicated but I guess I did the exact opposite of help and made things worse. And I guess I needed some liquid courage in order to act on my actual feelings for you.”

Luke listens to what Calum says, and only after a moment realizes what he really says. “You.... you’ve had growing feelings for me?”

“Yes... for like, the longest time now. And when you came out it only made my feelings intensify and I thought that was my chance to finally confront my feelings for you. But then I saw how stressed out you were about management and how you were still so confused and I didn’t want to confuse you more. But I guess I did and there’s really no making up for it, Luke. I’m really sorry.”

It’s at this moment that Luke contemplates everything that Calum says. He had never put into question how confusing all of this must have been for Calum; Luke had only thought about his own feelings the entire time. It never occurred to him that Calum was struggling with issues similar to his, and suddenly Luke felt incredibly guilty.

“Well... I’m sorry too. I guess me going along with things didn’t exactly help you figure anything out either.”

“It did, though. Each kiss just felt so... right. So exactly what I was looking for. I don’t think I’m confused anymore, Luke. I think-no, I know what I want now and what I want is you.”

Luke takes this confession as his first chance to actually kiss Calum first. The passion between them burning like a fire as for the first time they fully commit to one another. Luke smiles as Calum’s lips embrace his, ignoring the cold around them and the night sky beaming at them from above. Luke is the first to pull away.

“We should probably get back to the hotel.”

“Would you, by chance, want to move into my room tonight?”

Luke smirks, “asking me to move in already? Aren’t we moving a little too quickly?”

“Well, you’re gonna have to deal with my roommate Ashton. He can be kind of a dick sometimes but he doesn’t ever like to cuddle so he’ll just keep to himself.”

“I’m sure he’ll find somewhere to go. If I’m moving in I want you and only you.”

“Sassy, Lucas. Very sassy.” Calum says, giggling at Luke’s possessiveness.

“Shut up you, let’s go home.”

“Oh by the way, don’t ever shave off the beard. You look really hot.”

“As long as you promise to never wear a shirt around me again, you’ve got a deal.”

Calum grabs Luke’s hand and interlocks their fingers. And the feeling of familiarity comes back to both of them all at once.

It was always Luke and Calum, and that’s how it was always going to be.

**Author's Note:**

> First fic! Let me know what you think. Possibly more work to be coming soon.


End file.
